Most of us find some experiences or topics difficult to talk about. It may be something that is painful or makes us feel uncomfortable. For example, some people find it difficult to express their emotions. It is often the things that cannot be talked about that hurt the most. If you are having difficulty expressing yourself, or talking with your partner about something, you might find it helps to talk to a counsellor. You could also consider doing a course that is relevant to your relationship.
It is better to act early and talk to someone about your concerns, rather than wait until things get worse. This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:. Services include parent education to maternal and child healthcare, child care, crisis support, child protection, family violence and relationship services.
Well-managed anger can be a useful emotion that motivates you to make positive changes. There are many people you can talk to who can help you overcome feelings of wanting to lash out. It is helpful to imagine assertiveness as the middle ground between aggression and passivity. You can successfully combine breastfeeding with work if you have support from your employer, colleagues and family.
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The State of Victoria and the Department of Health shall not bear any liability for reliance by any user on the materials contained on this website. Skip to main content. Home Relationships. Relationships and communication. Rules provide checks and balances that help maintain satisfying relationships. Violating the rules may put the relationship in jeopardy. Relax Optimistically If you are comfortable around others, they will feel comfortable around you.
If you appear nervous, others will sense it and withdraw. A smile will always be the most powerful builder of rapport. Communicating with relaxed optimism, energy and enthusiasm will provide a strong foundation for lasting relationships.
Listen Deeply Powerful listening goes beyond hearing words and messages; it connects us emotionally with our communication partner. Listen to what the person is not saying as well as to what he or she is saying. Focus intently and listen to the messages conveyed behind and between words. Listen also with your eyes and heart.
Notice facial expressions and body postures, but see beneath the surface of visible behaviors. Feel the range of emotions conveyed by tone of voice and rhythm of speech. Discern what the person wants you to hear and also what they want you to feel. Feel Empathetically Empathy is the foundation of good two-way communication. Treat their mistakes as you would want them to treat your mistakes.
Let the individual know that you are concerned with the mistake, and that you still respect them as a person. Share their excitement in times of victory, and offer encouragement in times of difficulty. Genuine feelings of empathy will strengthen the bond of trust. Respond Carefully Choose emotions and words wisely. Words can build or destroy trust. They differ in shades of meaning, intensity, and impact. What did you learn when listening deeply to the other individual?
Validate your understanding of their message. This shows appreciation and encourages further dialogs with the individual. A response can be encouraging or discouraging. If you consider in advance the impact of your emotions and words, you will create a positive impact on your relationships. Synchronize Cooperatively When people synchronize their watches, they insure that their individual actions will occur on time to produce an intended outcome.
Relationships require ongoing cooperative action to survive and thrive. As relationships mature, the needs and values of the individuals and relationship will change.
Career relationships will require the flexibility to meet changing schedules and new project goals. Cooperative actions provide synchrony and build trusting alliances. They are part of the give and take that empowers strong, enduring relationships. Act Authentically Acting authentically means acting with integrity.
It means living in harmony with your values. Be yourself when you are with someone else. Drop acts that create false appearances and false security. When you act authentically, you are honest with yourself and others.
You say what you will do, and do what you say. Ask for what you want in all areas of your relationships. Be clear about what you will tolerate. Find out what your relationship partners want also. Transparency is the most essential factor for a stable friendship.
Do not hide things from your friends. Be honest to them. The entire relationship of friendship revolves around trust and give and take. No relationship can be one sided and same with friendship.
Try to do as much as you can for your friends. An interpersonal relationship characterized by passion, intimacy, trust and respect is called love. But these are secondary to the primary event. Third, we need to consider the initiation phase. Now that Connor has perceived the triggering event, he has three options. He can either. Conflict is needed to clarify the issue, but, naturally, Connor feels a bit angry and anxious about the situation. He is unaware of the anxiety and frustration that Adam is also feeling.
Fourth, we need to consider the differentiation phase. This is the phase where the conflict is contained, agreed, or escalated. The conflict could be. Lastly, we need to look at the resolution phase. In this step the conflict is resolved. There are two possible outcomes:. We all react to conflict in our own way, depending on aspects of our personality, our culture, and our previous experiences. Some reactions to conflict can make the issues worse.
It is important to check your own behaviour as well as the behaviour of others when you are experiencing conflict. Here are some ways that people react to conflict:. In order to better understand the elements of the five styles of conflict management, we will apply each to the following scenario:. Rachel and Simon have been running a restaurant business together for 15 years. Rachel manages front-of-house operations and staffing, while Simon is a trained chef who looks after the kitchen.
Rachel is growing frustrated because Simon has decided to spend a large portion of the profits on redecorating the restaurant, while Rachel wants to save most of the profits but spend a little on advertising.
Conflicts regarding money are very common. Competing The competing style indicates a high concern for self and a low concern for other. One way we may gauge our win is by being granted or taking concessions from the other person. The competing style also involves the use of power, which can be non-coercive or coercive Sillars, Non-coercive strategies include requesting and persuading. When we request, we suggest that our conflict partner change a behaviour.
When we persuade, however, we give our conflict partner reasons to support our request or suggestion, meaning there is more information exchange, which may make persuading more effective than requesting. Rachel could try to persuade Simon to spend on advertising by showing him the positive return on investment ROI that the restaurant received on their last advertising campaign, or by showing him that customer numbers are steadily falling, and arguing that they need to advertise for continued viability of the business.
Interpersonal conflict is rarely isolated, meaning there can be ripple effects that connect the current conflict to previous and future conflicts. Competing has been linked to aggression, although the two are not always paired. If assertiveness does not work, there is a chance it could escalate to hostility.
There is a pattern of verbal escalation: requests, demands, complaints, angry statements, threats, harassment, and verbal abuse Johnson and Roloff, The competing style of conflict management is not the same thing as having a competitive personality.
But in the workplace, competition can be a challenge. For example, if an opportunity for a promotion presents itself, you may find that you and your colleagues are all competing for the position.
This may result in improved efficiency for the department, but it could also result in negative feelings towards one another, if only one person is selected for the promotion. Avoiding The avoiding style of conflict management often indicates a low concern for self and a low concern for others. In some cultures that emphasize group harmony over individual interests, avoiding a conflict can indicate a high level of concern for others.
Remember, it is impossible not to communicate. Even when we try to avoid conflict, we may be giving our feelings away through our verbal and non-verbal communication. You may decide to avoid conflict for many different reasons, some of which are better than others. If you view the conflict as having little importance to you, it may be better to ignore it.
If you are not emotionally invested in the topic, you may be able to reframe your perspective and see the situation in a different way, thus resolving the issue.
For example, avoidance could first manifest as changing the subject, then progress from avoiding the issue to avoiding the person altogether, to even ending the partnership. Indirect strategies of hinting and joking also fall under the avoiding style. While these indirect avoidance strategies may lead to a buildup of frustration or even anger, they allow us to vent a little of our built-up steam and may make a conflict situation more bearable.
When we hint, we drop clues for our partner will identify, hoping that they will change their behaviour, thereby solving the problem without any direct communication. It is more likely that the receiver of the jokes will feel provoked or insulted than find humour in your joke, if tension between you two already exists. So more frustration may develop when the hints and jokes are not decoded, which often leads to passive-aggressive behaviour.
Passive-aggressive behaviour is a way of dealing with conflict in which one person indirectly communicates their negative thoughts or feelings through non-verbal behaviours, such as not completing a task. Although passive-aggressive behaviour can feel rewarding in the moment, it is one of the most unproductive ways to deal with conflict. These behaviours may create additional conflicts and may lead to a cycle of passive-aggressiveness in which the other partner begins to exhibit these behaviours as well, while never actually addressing the conflict that started it all.
In most avoidance situations, both parties lose. However, avoidance can be the most appropriate strategy in some situations—for example, when the conflict is temporary, when the stakes are low, when there is little personal investment, or when there is the potential for violence or retaliation. Accommodating The accommodating conflict management style indicates a low concern for self and a high concern for others and is often viewed as passive or submissive, in that one person obliges another without providing personal input.
The motivation behind accommodating plays an important role in whether or not it is an appropriate strategy. Generally, we accommodate because we are being generous, we are obeying, or we are yielding Bobot, The occasional accommodation can be useful in maintaining a relationship.
As with avoiding, there are certain cultural influences we will discuss later that make accommodating a more effective strategy. In essence, when we compromise, we give up some or most of what we want.
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